shortform

note 486

what if i replaced 4% of your molecules with aluminum acetate? you would die rather quickly, no? just a thought i had.

note 485

oh? you like running jokes? then get on a treadmill and be one.

halloween candy

note 484

i’m kind of like if an underappreciated genius was a boy

note 483

what if something really improbable happened. wouldn’t that be crazy

note 482

why do they keep including british people in every show. this forced diversity is getting ridiculous

note 481

has anyone else noticed that there’s been a lot of omens lately? like, i saw a bird the other day that was kind of frowny. what’s up with that

note 480

no, YOU have a good day! kills you with my death beam

note 479

(gets down on one knee) do you want to be my friend

note 478

i just thought of the funniest thing. but i’m not going to tell it to you. that’s because if you laugh too hard a blood vessel in your brain will pop and you’ll die. i saw it in my crystal ball

note 477

i have no redeeming qualities. not that i’m a bad person or anything. i just wasn’t bad enough to need to redeem myself in the first place

note 476

i’m in a handbasket on a road paved with good intentions. all 20 of my eggs are in here too (they haven’t hatched). anyway what was i saying? oh yeah, has anybody seen my water bottle? it’s gotta be around here somewhere

DESPICABLE!!!

note 475

i don’t have any fatal flaws. you can tell because i’m still alive

the floaty guy!

little geometric guys dancing in formation

note 474

you know what really boils my blood? when people challenge my preconceived notions. i already thought of something and now you’re going to make me think another thing? come on

note 473

The Girl you just called fat? I shoved her into a locker. The Boy you called stupid, I killed his cat. The Girl you called ugly? I set her house on fire. The Boy you just tripped? I threw him into a river. Step up your game. Put this as your status once you’re better at bullying.

note 472

(at supervillain meeting) oh, you think you’re evil? well i only got TWO hours of sleep last night as i thought about my past atrocities.

note 471

i put the “u mad” in traumadumping