shortform

note 542

orpheic thinking works

note 541

you better watch out bitch. i just got +1/+1 and trample until end of turn

note 540

oho—your cage hasn’t but a fraction the beauty and splendor of mine!

note 539

(getting fired) this could have been an email.

note 538

i’ve been preparing to be 23 my whole life

not 537

my contributions to science have gone unnoticed due to their unimportance and dubious veracity

note 536

sex criminals sound like they should be cooler than other criminals, but actually they are much less cool

note 535

in court, the next worst thing after a death sentence is a life sentence

note 534

i refuse to clip my toenails until we do something about gun violence in this country

note 533

some of you wouldn’t last a minute inside my murder chamber

note 532

i promise! i was sitting there and the eschaton just immanentized itself!

note 531

wow “the exception that proves the rule.” i guess everything just proves the rule huh

mapgame 2

this is a map but i took away the title and legend. your goal is to guess what the map represents. (this one is very very hard without hints)

note 530

the solar plexus wins my award for body part that sounds most like a wrestling move

LEAKED 2035 IMO questions

Word has spread that a genius yet evil mathematician has leaked the problems that will be contained in the 2035 International Math Olympiad. This mathematician is reportedly a diehard fan of Gottfried Leibniz and will stop at nothing to sabotage math competitions which don’t include calculus. (They also claim to have burned over four hundred copies of Voltaire’s Candide.) Seeing as I once got a 120 on the AMC 10 but was not once selected for my country’s IMO team, I have decided to join the evil mathematician in their quest and publish all of the leaked questions.

Day 1

Question 1

What is 3471239847981237489021374897 times 7807123894710928375490128508734657801634?

Question 2

Suppose there exists a blue guy $P$ at the center of circle $Q$ (the “blue world”) with radius 7. Suppose also that $Q$ has two parallel chords $\overline{AB}$ and $\overline{CD}$. The region $R$ is a blue tree defined by $\overline{AB}$, $\overline{CD}$, and $Q$. If triangle $ACP$ is isosceles with $AP = PC = 8$, what is the area of the blue tree?

Question 3

Prove that every even number greater than 2 is the sum of two primes.

Day 2

Question 4

An island contains 100 goblins, labeled $g_1, g_2, \ldots, g_{100}$. Each goblin has either a red or a blue hat. The island also contains two gates, one red and one blue. Each day at noon, the red gate opens with probability $2/5$ and the blue gate opens with probability $7/10$. The goblins are not allowed to speak or hear or look at anything, except that they are allowed to look at the hats of exactly two other goblins of their choice. Each goblin has 100 days to go through a gate, but if they go through the gate that matches their color of hat they will be killed.

Question 5

Ok now get this one: Is $x$ bigger than $y$?

Question 6

How many numbers are there

note 529

i couldn’t help but notice your various imperfections

note 528

fact of the matter is, if you are hanging out and someone tosses a ball or a pillow to someone else, that object will get tossed around for another 3 to 10 more minutes.

note 527

the garlic community has been shocked by what some are calling “the clove of the century”

note 526

does anyone have some spare essence of bug. i need to make a potion

note 525

life got this bitch reading Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl