shortform

note 105

the year is 2019 and 202/365 and we still have not abolished mixed numbers. what is happening to our society

note 104

i would go off the grid, but i don’t think i’m ready to give up my electric toothbrush

note 103

you have been DENIED entry to the swag zone. better luck next time, kid.

note 102

fireworks are interesting because there aren’t too many other things advertised as “illegal”

note 101

one word horror story:

GHOST

note 100

if they don’t stop making sunscreen sticks look so much like glue sticks, i’m gonna accidentally eat some one of these days

note 99

i didn’t want to do that to you, but look, if you mess with the toilet you get the shit

note 98

there is an episode of Magic School Bus where arnold eats too many carrots and his skin turns orange, and if you don’t think i remember that episode every time i eat carrots, you are dead wrong

note 97

“You miss 100% of the shots you take.” —Wayne Gretsky, to his teammate Risto Jalo

heat wave

note 96

if i marry my counselor will i get a better letter of rec

note 95

Applying for a spot at Steervesant Academy and an internship with Fedex to hopefully get into a prestigious driving university, such as Carnegie Mellon, or Carvard.

note 94

fush n chup

note 93

Are you staying at the Spanish Court Hotel at 1 Saint Lucia Avenue, New Kingston, 0000 Kingston, Jamaica? ........ ‘cause Jamaican me crazy!!!!

note 92

people out here claiming to be pro gay. imagine my disappointment when i find out that many of them are, in fact, merely amateur gays

note 91

hey, quick note to birds, in general:

fuck you

note 90

in the 2017 national spelling bee, after 3 consecutive years of co-champions, Rohan Rajeev and Ananya Vinay were 6 rounds from a tiebreaker when Rajeev misspelled ‘marram.’ there is no entry for ‘marram’ in the dictionary, but rather for ‘marram grass’ 🤔🤔🤔 #spellingbeeisrigged

note 89

my one regret is that i have no vagina to put jade eggs into

note 88

girl, are you british, because there’s no colour in my life without u

note 87

the difference between the car of the past and the car of the future is that the car of the future is chrome