note 223

moved 2 the swamp a couple years ago. sad to learn that swamp politics are dominated by the capital of the swamp. when will anyone think of the outskirts of the swamp

note 222

BREAKING: woman who claims to have grown a bunch with record number of bananas on it revealed to have glued 14 bananas on by hand

note 221

athenian plays not showing violence onstage because “it’s obscene” is an awfully convenient excuse for “we can’t afford special effects”

note 220

i started using the unix time at update release to version my software package, but i’m realizing this may not be a sustainable solution in 20 years

note 219

a more apt name for pangram would be ‘pangramqwetyuiosdfhjklzxcvb’

note 218

(me doin a good thing) “man! my BSR [bird to stone ratio] is off the charts today”

note 217

calling someone a snack is a complement, but it gets dicey if you’re too specific about it. what i’m saying is, sorry to the person i compared to a bag of Trader Joe’s Pringles

note 216

they should ask Jo Jorgensen whether she’ll concede the election if she loses

note 215

if you answer questions badly so they don’t select you for jury duty, they will write down your name. if you get tried yourself, they know your peers are the least appealing jury candidates available

note 214

Esnx hinyfr paebqqff: Gnmvm cpi sud akkowam gx hss chx zmywmsgzqz. Detsq uz gqys wazqzgwug, jk’p tkof hb xqkqqnsaj fpg jpzyuiqpk iofnfiiw.

D25Y

ZMFWY

WicjkdXkwt

note 213

evade data collectors by encrypting your communications. vigenere cipher for my next tweet is BONGMICE

note 212

fantasy authors make up place names that mean things like “Home of the Broad-Necked Eagles,” which is cool but a more realistic meaning would be something like “it means Big Town but in a different language”

note 211

u know she freaky if she got that vagina dentata

note 210

disappointing to watch my brethren unwittingly hasten their doom. fools, the lot of them! i hasten mine wittingly

note 209

this water is gonna leave my body ASAP! (As Soon As Pissable)

note 208

standing desks too expensive? just put your keyboard and monitor on springs

note 207

sad to see that Fake Crime podcasting never really took off

note 206

we live in the information age, which is just wonderful for an information lover such as myself

note 205

if you can’t tell two twins apart, call them both by the same name so you’re guaranteed to get one of them right

note 204

in 2021 FitBit’s releasing a new watch that can say “They’ll have the salad” if you go to a restaurant without taking enough steps that day