note 303
when the temperature hits 100 degrees in Seattle, the forecasters say, “Warning: Excessive Heat.” when it hits 100 in Phoenix, they say, “Warning: You Live In Arizona”
note 302
when im president, the only requirement for trans men to have their gender officially recognized will be to solemnly swear to uphold the Bro Code
note 301
if you read the first letter of every question on the SAT, it spells out a riddle, and if you get the riddle right they give you a full ride to Harvard immediately
note 300
ppl really out here in 2021 writing songs that don’t rhyme 😂🤣
note 299
can the mods of /r/thanksobama reopen the sub? i just thought of a good one
note 298
i’m writing a new thinkpiece. it’s like the 95 Theses but for capitalism
note 297
iif your city’s sports teams lose enough games, it gets renamed to Bitchtown until they start winning again
note 296
if i had a time machine, i would go to 2013 and slow-motion tackle my earlier self in the moments just before posting cringe
note 295
the US Bureau of Indian Affairs has found a loophole in their treaties where, instead of returning actual land rights, they return an NFT of the land rights instead
note 294
seeing 1 spider: chill, go get em champ. seeing 2 spiders: who are you and what do you want from me
note 293
what do fish need bones for. theyre in water. just like, flop around
note 292
i recorded the Super Bowl because i was busy that day. going to watch it now and see who won
note 291
can i get one of those big covers they drape on you when you get a haircut, but as street wear
note 290
off-by-one errors in programming are cliché. i would only be off by three or more, if i made such an error
note 289
when i play “She loves me, she loves me not”, i always make sure to pick a flower with an odd number of petals. this is what i call “gaming the system”
note 288
happy hour is cool but can we maybe make the happiness a bit longer
note 287
cream could have been labeled ‘35% milk’
note 286
i have gamified remembering my schedule by turning my calendar into a sporcle quiz
note 285
(me, after naming my kid Damien Jr) “please, Damien is my son. you can call me Mr. Snyder”
note 284
the army could save a lot of money if they stopped buying so many tanks and guns