shortform

note 362

if i was a fruit, i would be a pear. this is because pears are the best fruit, and i am the best person

pachelbel would be vibing in his grave

note 360

scientists placed children in a room with a marshmallow, and told them they would get another if they could go 10 minutes without eating it. 20 years later, the scientists found that the ones who didn’t wait 10 minutes got with a total of 70% more smoking hot babes as adults

note 361

photo of martin egg at his halloween party :) https://t.co/DGAiYsvD7N

martin egg on halloween

he went as a football

note 359

RT @damien__snyder: for halloween i’m going as the abstract concept of suffering

note 358

any time you go to a new dentist, the first thing you need to ask is: are they part of the 9 out of 10 who recommend things, or the 1 out of 10 who think they’re too good for that?

note 357

i show up to the party in a woodpecker costume. 3 beers in i am smashing my head into the drywall

note 355

apologies, i thought Daylight Saving Time was last night. in fact it is two weeks from now. expect to see a correctly timed Daylight Saving Time-themed tweet on Nov 7

note 356

well, that was another hour of my life I’ll get back

goobert

he strides

note 353

oh, this is a family recipe? what family member did you put in it

note 354

you can write messages encoded in base64, then pass it off as a keymash. anyway, today i was so angry that i was all like YnV4b20gYW5kIHJlYWR5IHRvIGZ1Y2sgc29tZQ==

note 352

every building should be required to have a skybridge to at least one other building

note 351

OMGGGGGGG #thisissotrue hahaaa tag your friend who needs to see this..... #friendgroup #drama https://t.co/OBancim6Qk

note 350

this is the flag for when horizontally you are prideful and vertically you are trans and diagonally you are bisexual https://t.co/ujJE8Cv6QZ

note 349

crimes committed inside a mcdonald’s are under jurisdiction of mcdonald’s law

note 348

Happy birthday! You’re super special, and I hope you have a great time.

(read this tweet on your birthday. you’re welcome!)

note 347

what if we vibed in Light Reign (Turrell, 2003, permanent skyspace and exterior illumination work)