note 387
oh, you use BAIT when you fish? pathetic. a FISHING ROD? revolting. every morning i wriggle in the stream like the little worm i am, and i grab the fish with my god-given hands and toss them onto shore. if you don’t ascend scaly and wet each night, DON’T call yourself a fisherman
note 386
fun fact: up to 40% of the funny jokes your friends say are ghostwritten by me
note 385
(forgetting my blinker is on) “man, this song has some crazy polyrhythms”
note 384
whenever i solve math problems i root for the eventual answer to be positive. it adds a little drama to the affair
note 383
gonna be a great year for all of my fans of the digit 2 out there
note 382
i like finding long, unfamiliar acronyms. they are like puzzles
note 381
(me trying to flirt) “so whats your favorite genre of sex”
note 380
any time a story introduces characters whose names start with A B and C my guard is instantly raised
note 379
i think someone should make a bluetooth speaker that is shaped like a common fruit or vegetable. seems like you could make a lot of money that way
note 378
touch grass? uh, no thanks. would much rather touch some Ass
note 377
why do people keep saying to “gaslight gatekeep girlboss”? isn’t gaslighting and gatekeeping someone pretty mean?
note 376
“a picture is worth a thousand words” is just Big Picture trying to get you to buy more pictures
note 375
getting excited for “A Very Death Grips Christmas” to drop
note 374
(cryptographer dating profile) “just a Bob looking for my Alice”
note 373
if we’re not careful then we’ll end up with gay luxury space neoliberalism
note 372
scheduled to appear soon on the television programme “best opinion havers of all time”
note 371
post-structuralist erotic fiction is the only thing that gets me off these days
note 370
why is it that whenever i’m nice to a girl she thinks i’m trying to get into her pants. they probably don’t even fit me
note 369
the collective noun for bargains is “a great deal”
note 368
(me yelling at this statue) “You think you’re so fucking cool? Huh? You think you’re so fucking tough?” https://t.co/xEYy4DDbIa