fremont
note 399
(me as an 8-year-old, after typing 23 exclamation points) i’m just not sure this is enough to get the point across
note 398
\u26a0\ufe0f\u26a0\ufe0f\u26a0\ufe0f THERE ARE 473 HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA. why aren’t you with any of them?
note 397
the front of a granola bag will be like “this is one of the healthiest foods in recorded human history” and the granola will have 12 g of sugar per quarter cup
note 396
Breaking: In an Effort To Engage Modern-Day Students, Schools are Reframing Grades as Tier Lists of Students in the Class
note 395
i don’t really get excited for the new minecraft updates anymore. i just like when they remove Herobrine again
note 394
(checking my phone at the airport) “time to put the ‘terminal’ in terminally online”
track 10 mood
note 393
the automated voice at the grocery store self checkout is annoying, but it’s worth it for the feeling when i press a button and it shuts up
note 392
(eating tacos) “i bet this kind of food could really get popular”
note 391
(home alone for the last 7 hours) “there’s no way to know for sure who made this mess, but it’s important to remember that the perpetrator might just be a misunderstood guy trying to do his best…”
note 390
hey babe what if we exchanged Taxpayer Identification Numbers (TIN)
note 389
i can accept red lines under possible typos, but now text editors try to correct my grammar? my punctuation? my God Damn capitalization? do they take me for a fool? why don’t you go correct the Pope’s interpretation of the bible while you’re at it
note 388
in Independence Day (1996), the US president is some guy who was never the president in real life. the director must have forgot who Bill Clinton was. i bet he’s kicking himself over that one
endless toy room
teamwork
note 387
oh, you use BAIT when you fish? pathetic. a FISHING ROD? revolting. every morning i wriggle in the stream like the little worm i am, and i grab the fish with my god-given hands and toss them onto shore. if you don’t ascend scaly and wet each night, DON’T call yourself a fisherman
note 386
fun fact: up to 40% of the funny jokes your friends say are ghostwritten by me
note 385
(forgetting my blinker is on) “man, this song has some crazy polyrhythms”
note 384
whenever i solve math problems i root for the eventual answer to be positive. it adds a little drama to the affair