notes

note 414

what if the girl stopped reading this

note 413

everyone is talking ukraine this and gas prices that meanwhile i am literaly still single

note 412

going to start giving compliments that also remind you of your deepest insecurities, but do so in a kind and loving manner that will guide you on the path to personal growth should you choose to take it

note 411

Oh!!!?! these are unprecedented times?!!! thank you for mentioning that! it would also be unprecedented for me to clock you, leaving you gasping for breath!

note 410

all i can think about is applying metrics to make data-driven decisions. i’ve quit talking to friends because data-driven decisions are more rewarding. i didn’t even know i had a problem until i applied the metrics about it. life is now just an inefficiency to optimize away

note 409

going to start commenting “relatively solid meme” on other people’s memes

note 408

i have invented the sequel to shitposting, it is called swagposting,

note 407

[at a job interview] i would say my biggest weakness is that i’m too merciful to my foes

note 406

[listening to Construction Site Ambience 10hr version] yeah you can really hear the aphex twin influence there

note 405

the internet would be cooler if no one was allowed to be funnier than me

note 404

i just want a countably infinite amount of bitches. not even an uncountably infinite amount. is that so much to ask

note 402

in the last month have u eaten

note 403

whoever named atoms after the greek for “indivisible” must have felt really stupid when they discovered subatomic particles

note 401

100 gecs if the horse was smart https://t.co/VQovKrbuVR

note 400

the avg deep sea creature is like - ‘this is the Blue-dicked Fuckworm. it is blind and exclusively eats shrimp poop and it only moves every 2000 years’

note 399

(me as an 8-year-old, after typing 23 exclamation points) i’m just not sure this is enough to get the point across

note 398

\u26a0\ufe0f\u26a0\ufe0f\u26a0\ufe0f THERE ARE 473 HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA. why aren’t you with any of them?

note 397

the front of a granola bag will be like “this is one of the healthiest foods in recorded human history” and the granola will have 12 g of sugar per quarter cup

note 396

Breaking: In an Effort To Engage Modern-Day Students, Schools are Reframing Grades as Tier Lists of Students in the Class

note 395

i don’t really get excited for the new minecraft updates anymore. i just like when they remove Herobrine again