notes

note 494

if that’s your girl, then why is she peeing in my litterbox

note 493

what if instead of Clippy it was called Plippy :)

note 492

i’m kind of like Jokester :) from the movie Jokester :)

note 491

the liberals won’t even know what to do once i get a hold of my Device

note 490

sisyphus, you’ve got it buddy. i believe in you. cmon, this is your chance, just keep your eyes on the prize

note 489

they kicked me out of the carthusian monastery cause they were jealous of my swag. haters won’t say anything about it, due to their vow of silence

note 488

i stopped going to grocery stores ever since they stopped selling artefacts and potions

note 487

hi,......, i’ve noticed you haven’t been responding to my telepathic messages lately

note 486

what if i replaced 4% of your molecules with aluminum acetate? you would die rather quickly, no? just a thought i had.

note 485

oh? you like running jokes? then get on a treadmill and be one.

note 484

i’m kind of like if an underappreciated genius was a boy

note 483

what if something really improbable happened. wouldn’t that be crazy

note 482

why do they keep including british people in every show. this forced diversity is getting ridiculous

note 481

has anyone else noticed that there’s been a lot of omens lately? like, i saw a bird the other day that was kind of frowny. what’s up with that

note 480

no, YOU have a good day! kills you with my death beam

note 479

(gets down on one knee) do you want to be my friend

note 478

i just thought of the funniest thing. but i’m not going to tell it to you. that’s because if you laugh too hard a blood vessel in your brain will pop and you’ll die. i saw it in my crystal ball

note 477

i have no redeeming qualities. not that i’m a bad person or anything. i just wasn’t bad enough to need to redeem myself in the first place

note 476

i’m in a handbasket on a road paved with good intentions. all 20 of my eggs are in here too (they haven’t hatched). anyway what was i saying? oh yeah, has anybody seen my water bottle? it’s gotta be around here somewhere

note 475

i don’t have any fatal flaws. you can tell because i’m still alive