note 534
i refuse to clip my toenails until we do something about gun violence in this country
note 533
some of you wouldn’t last a minute inside my murder chamber
note 532
i promise! i was sitting there and the eschaton just immanentized itself!
note 531
wow “the exception that proves the rule.” i guess everything just proves the rule huh
note 530
the solar plexus wins my award for body part that sounds most like a wrestling move
note 529
i couldn’t help but notice your various imperfections
note 528
fact of the matter is, if you are hanging out and someone tosses a ball or a pillow to someone else, that object will get tossed around for another 3 to 10 more minutes.
note 527
the garlic community has been shocked by what some are calling “the clove of the century”
note 526
does anyone have some spare essence of bug. i need to make a potion
note 525
life got this bitch reading Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
note 523
not impressed when someone tells me their ribs fall off the bone. like ok yours dont know how to balance. whatever
note 524
Q: What kind of yogurt do gorillas eat?
Answer
Gorillas don’t eat yogurt!
note 522
“her bark is worse than her bite,” she said.
then the dog shot me with a gun.
note 521
somebody better call all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. cause im cracked
note 520
just another sanic sunday
note 519
i need a blinker on the roof of my car for when i ascend to heaven
note 518
crossing the road should be illegal. learn to appreciate the side you’re on.
note 517
in 2025 when you google me, every single image will be me smiling awkwardly at some red carpet photoshoot
note 516
going to stop taking life advice from people who aren’t happier than me
note 515
well, i’m trapped in a psychic prison for the next 2000 years. but at least i’m not danny. that guy’s trapped for 3000 years