notes

note 39

alberta, canada. imagine that.

note 38

there’s no time like 10:24:22 pm, july 6 1992

note 37

AND YOU STILL ONLY TRUST THE FIRST SIMULATION

note 36

captain’s log. day 36

mistook an alien for a peppermint and ate it. i can’t feel my ears anymore. also i forgot what lemonade looks like. maybe this is how gods feel when they create new worlds

note 35

me: highly intellectual meta-humor

other human(s) present: confusion, probably because they are fuckign stupid

note 34

gingivitis. i had totally forgotten that was a word until now

note 33

sorry polymaths, but i like to keep it to one math at a time

note 32

if ur blind, every date u go on is a blind date. think about that

note 31

window is just another word for a transparent pane allowing you to see through a wall

note 30

not hipster, but i’ve had a unisex bathroom in my house for years. just sayin

note 29

not to brag but i just totally had a monster dump

note 28

if you think being green is hard, try being a shag carpet

note 27

no one can tell that you’re bleeding when you’re swimming in a pool of blood

note 26

the water cycle is not eligible for the presidency in 2020. any organization with the aims of putting the water cycle in office is unfortunately misguided

note 24

oh no, i wanted to distinguish myself from the cyber-monkeys that have come to rule the earth, but i too have become a cyber-monkey

note 25

quiz: which type of pea are you?

• (y/n) you like that boom boom pow
• (y/n) them chickens jackin’ your style
• (y/n) they try to copy your swagger
• (y/n) you live in a pod

note 23

new 100% successful dating trick! get any girl you like! i call it the petrarch method

note 22

there’s a certain sense of freedom that comes from driving to the store and buying two lemons

note 21

has anyone else noticed how pointy needles are

note 20

i’ve been noticing lately how many things look like inkblots