notes

note 134

as a clothing item, flu shot band-aids are kinda hot

note 133

fuck, i forgot how to ride a bicycle

note 132

when are they gonna invent automatic toilets that work in the dark

note 131

excited for daylight savings time because my broken clock is gonna get to be right 3 times in a day

note 130

if halloween were on october 26th it would be a garbage tier holiday. 96% of the mystique, gone, like that

note 129

me rubbing cream on my skin: “ah, topical”

note 128

me as toddler when mom feeds me: ‘whats the deal with food airplane’

note 127

welcome to my orchestra auditions, i will be judging you solely on how fast you can play Flight of the Bumblebee

note 126

one of my hobbies is failing the turing test

note 125

i have decided to replace abcd order in lists with an alternate system, because :) smiley face, ;) winky face, and 8) coolguy

note 124

me explaining to TSA the importance of my unusual comfort animal: “the oyster is my world”

note 123

Interview: 34-Year-Old Financial Journalist Unable To Say “Alphabet” Without Compulsively Prefacing It With “Google’s Parent Company” (read more)

note 122

starting a psychedelic rock back called Run DMT

note 121

step 2. world domination

note 120

if i had a million dollars for every time i was at the gym and some guy on the treadmill kept squeaking his shoes on the non-moving front part every step but didn’t notice because he was listening to death metal, i’d be rich!

note 119

it’s my birthday so i don’t have to pay taxes

note 118

never, EVER look a gift giraffe in the mouth

note 117

i heard they were going to release the very first ‘wise phone’

note 116

is ‘nutted’ proper AP style guide terminology

note 115

a broken compass is always right if you’re exactly at magnetic north