note 314
when a pigeon shits on your car, you’re not allowed to sue them.... are our lawmakers accountable to the citizens, or to the lobbying of Big Bird? please sign my https://t.co/1LKJKpOwpu petition
note 312
last time i thought i had it, but the judges decided it was just a Relative Unit
note 313
trying to set the record for world’s smallest Absolute Unit
note 311
used to be a christian till i found out jesus wasn’t white. why does every story need an SJW agenda these days?
note 310
i am green not with envy but with the chlorophyll coursing through my veins. on this blessed day i shall\u2014
note 309
(band t-shirt) if you mess with the tuba section, you get the horns
note 308
being at the North Pole is hard mode for Ramadan
note 307
methamphetamines are legal and very healthy. i am a lawyer and a doctor, and this is both legal and medical advice
note 306
in case bouncers don’t believe my fake ID, i have a fake birth certificate to corroborate
note 305
going to stop calling people ‘out of my league,’ now that i have been called up to the Major League of Being Hot
note 304
“I Am Malala” is cool but the main character seems like sort of a self insert…
note 303
when the temperature hits 100 degrees in Seattle, the forecasters say, “Warning: Excessive Heat.” when it hits 100 in Phoenix, they say, “Warning: You Live In Arizona”
note 302
when im president, the only requirement for trans men to have their gender officially recognized will be to solemnly swear to uphold the Bro Code
note 301
if you read the first letter of every question on the SAT, it spells out a riddle, and if you get the riddle right they give you a full ride to Harvard immediately
note 300
ppl really out here in 2021 writing songs that don’t rhyme 😂🤣
note 299
can the mods of /r/thanksobama reopen the sub? i just thought of a good one
note 298
i’m writing a new thinkpiece. it’s like the 95 Theses but for capitalism
note 297
iif your city’s sports teams lose enough games, it gets renamed to Bitchtown until they start winning again
note 296
if i had a time machine, i would go to 2013 and slow-motion tackle my earlier self in the moments just before posting cringe
note 295
the US Bureau of Indian Affairs has found a loophole in their treaties where, instead of returning actual land rights, they return an NFT of the land rights instead