note 374
(cryptographer dating profile) “just a Bob looking for my Alice”
note 373
if we’re not careful then we’ll end up with gay luxury space neoliberalism
note 372
scheduled to appear soon on the television programme “best opinion havers of all time”
note 371
post-structuralist erotic fiction is the only thing that gets me off these days
note 370
why is it that whenever i’m nice to a girl she thinks i’m trying to get into her pants. they probably don’t even fit me
note 369
the collective noun for bargains is “a great deal”
note 368
(me yelling at this statue) “You think you’re so fucking cool? Huh? You think you’re so fucking tough?” https://t.co/xEYy4DDbIa
note 367
i have a high libido but instead of sex it’s for people saying funny things
note 366
concept: the movie “Yesterday”, but instead of the Beatles, the lead is the only one who remembers any songs by Kendrick Lamar. the twist: the lead is a white woman
note 365
going to become one of those tweeters who just tweets all the time
note 364
going to make a dating app where the only person ur allowed to date is me
note 363
well, that was another hour of my life I’ll get back!
note 362
if i was a fruit, i would be a pear. this is because pears are the best fruit, and i am the best person
note 360
scientists placed children in a room with a marshmallow, and told them they would get another if they could go 10 minutes without eating it. 20 years later, the scientists found that the ones who didn’t wait 10 minutes got with a total of 70% more smoking hot babes as adults
note 361
photo of martin egg at his halloween party :) https://t.co/DGAiYsvD7N
note 359
RT @damien__snyder: for halloween i’m going as the abstract concept of suffering
note 358
any time you go to a new dentist, the first thing you need to ask is: are they part of the 9 out of 10 who recommend things, or the 1 out of 10 who think they’re too good for that?
note 357
i show up to the party in a woodpecker costume. 3 beers in i am smashing my head into the drywall
note 355
apologies, i thought Daylight Saving Time was last night. in fact it is two weeks from now. expect to see a correctly timed Daylight Saving Time-themed tweet on Nov 7
note 356
well, that was another hour of my life I’ll get back